Sober

Soon as the liquor dissolves on my tongue,
I am unable to control myself.
I only want you.
Like you are the only thing buried at the bottom of a bottle.

I’m too far from sober to want you in any other way.
In the sea of alcohol,
It is only you that I remember clearly.

I can’t rinse the bitter taste of you on my tongue.
Your taste lingers long after I’ve stopped being consumed by you.
And I’m dying to feel the tenderness of being sober, again.

I wake, in a bed, that is remote to mine.
Laying beside you,
Fully aware that you’re not mine.
How is that you don’t stop me,
When you are the one with the sober mind.

In the temporary heat of passion, 
You make bad decisions look good.
And in the aim of forgetting your name,
I only manage to forget my own.

Waiting until the night falls,
To crack a bottle of wine,
Is an easily attainable goal,
When I fool myself into believing that, 
Tonight, I won’t think about you.
Instead,
I will take all day to recover from the hell I put my body through the previous night.

And one day,
I’ll mean absolutely nothing to you,
And you will make me feel it in the midst of my unsoberness.
I will pour all the remaining pieces of my heart in a text, and you won’t even reply.

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Skin

He’s a real awful person
For bringing her to tears,
For how her skin wraps around her soul.

She tells me how she thanked you,
For never being there.
Your absence forced her to find her own way.

It’s amazing how unstoppable a woman becomes,
After she is comfortable in her own skin.

Lonely Man

He was a lonely man.
I could tell by the way he wanted me all to himself.
He held me,
Like he held hope.
But his eyes were wondering somewhere else.

He is stuck.
And I am unable to move.
Both entangled in false hope.
I need him to be somebody.
He is too stuck in depression.
He doesn’t need me.
He needs we.
But we is me.

We don’t vibrate to the same frequency. I’ve learned my way around loneliness.
He hasn’t.
He is trying to use my presence as a crutch to support his unfulfilled yearning.

I was light,
But he still remained in darkness.
In fear of what might lurk.
He placed his love in many hearts,
To fulfil his every need.
Wasn’t afraid of the dark because, Darkness was He.

♥ Kamiz

Secrets

The year has barely began
But I already have secrets I’m planning on keeping

Secrets about people who have never been a part of my everyday life
But have a huge part of me

The type of secrets that do not allow me to make homes of people
For my sanity and safety

The sun rises with my insecurities
And maybe that’s why I hate summer
But this summer will be different
I’ll make memories that no one knows about
Memories that solely belong to me

Because no one has ever unfolded my bare human soul and known me beneath my bones

21 has proved to me, that I deserve so much better
22 will be filled with moments like a white petalled Lotus waiting for consciousness to bloom

I’ll take these secrets 6 feet under
Because there were times when those dear to me knew how I felt
And it was hell for them

I sit here
Fully aware
That there is no way out
And that you don’t meet people by accident
And even after you cut ties with the past
(If you’re not the only person the past involves)
It will still haunt you

And once I’m done with all these secrets
I’ll learn more about silence
And write a novel about all the things people don’t say.

please note that it was my intention to exclude the necessary punctuation.

Pain demands to be felt…

There is nothing worse than being surrounded by people and still feeling extremely lonely.

Because nobody hears your demons when they slowly plow at your soul.

Everyone is caught up in their own lives, feeding the monster that have engulfed their soul.

I’ve been lingering around the city with unmet emotions for the longest time.

The nicest thing about being alone is that it’s associated with loneliness.
So it all makes sense and it’s easier to take in and understand.

So I- cut off most of my soul satisfying social media drugs.
And withdrawal immediately started kicking in.

I got to see that people don’t identify Me with silence.
And without noise, I’m unseen, unheard, Unmissed, and virtually nonexistent.

And that all they crave is my attention. Only giving, what I put forth.

It’s quite unfortunate, because right now, my life makes anything, but sense.

Unable to move forward or back.
I’m stagnant.
I’m still.

I’m sitting here with pain I never thought belong to me.
It’s starring blankly at me,
I can believe that it’s my portion.

It doesn’t move.

It doesn’t flinch.

My crying isn’t taken it away.

For the the first time, my tears are the only thing that stay.