A tangled Web an older man weaves

His eyes are piercing, so focused. He doesn’t blink. He looks into the depths of your soul as if he knows every little secret. It’s almost as though he sees right through you. He sees the way you vacillate between your choices, the way you pretend to be so damn sure of yourself while toting your cute work satchel, walking up the stairs to your cubicle in your very sensible heels. Your fake-it-til-you-make-it game is strong, but he pokes holes through your facade.

He has twenty years on you. While he lets you think you’re making all of the rules and setting the pace of this unfolding game you’re playing with him through flirty emails and work lunches that hint at something more, the truth is, he has you figured out. As frustrating as this is, to constantly be one step behind a man who appears to consistently make power plays, it’s thrilling. Because each time you attempt to outsmart him, you wonder what it would feel like to surrender. You’re curious. You want to know what would happen if you suspended all logic and let him call the shots. How would it feel to let him show you tonight what it will take men your age years to master? Because the truth is, deep down inside, not only do you want him, you want to be him. You watch the way he wields his power in his corner office on the floor above you and wonder, “What does it feel like to be so confident, so sure?”

You look at those delicate flecks of gray in his beard, betraying his very youthful eyes and smile, and picture him doing very adult and very naughty things to you. The rational, safe girl you’ve always been is slowly being eclipsed by the daring woman you think you want to become.

And then you remember: his daughter could practically be your sister, as you’re just a mere nine years apart in age. And even though he claims his relationship with his wife is strained, he is still very married, albeit unhappily. If you wanted something more (and you can already tell you would – those hands indicate that this man has all of the right weaponry), you could not have it. Because the fact of the matter is, affairs are ugly, divorces are messy, and eventually, you’ll get tired of only being able to call and text him during designated hours. There would be no picking up takeout, enjoying his company without restrictions, and lazily waking up to each other in the morning. He made his choices, he made his commitments, well before you were even old enough to legally drink.

So here you are, stopping this budding attraction before it goes too far, because you know that in the end, it’s you, the potential young mistress, who will lose. And while this small remnant of power is satisfying, the fantasy is always more compelling.

Anon

Originally posted on From A Wildflower

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Do you put a time limit on sex?

Just based off meeting a guy for the first time, there is a physical attraction that is sparked. That happens way before you know his name, find out his age, and get a sneak peek of his personality. Your eyes focus on what you see in this man: the tattoos drawn on his arms, the type of clothing he has on, and his interaction with his friends. And if you decide to approach him that night or make conversation as he makes his way over to you, it will solely be based on the power of physical attraction. Hopefully, months down the line a relationship can be created way beyond the physical connection. Things become way more serious, future plans are discussed, make out sessions become longer and more revealing. As a woman, you tease your mate, just enough to keep him wondering. But you know sooner or later, sex is going to become apart of your relationship. The question is, “When is the right time to have sex?”

A woman always tries to set a time limit when it comes to sex. It is no longer a private and intimate interaction. It’s more of an open book or public conversation. It is talked about freely, shared on television shows, and not really taken as a big deal.

We overanalyze how a guy will react, the day that we decide to give him a part of ourselves. Holding off can show him how much you respect your body and the relationship. A man does not want to be with a woman that “every other” man has had a piece of. But being realistic, in the year of 2014, who waits anymore? And if you do decide to wait, are you frowned upon?

Does the guy still think of that interaction as a special moment shared between each other? Has it become so easy for a guy to nut, pull up his pants, and walk out the door? Or has woman made it easier for a man to get whatever he wants? Has woman shoved her emotions unto a man hoping that he’ll be the one to save her, once she sleeps with him? And are there guys out there that still wait until wedding night, to enter into a woman?

Those questions are only a few, where I actually become clueless. Each gender has such a different perspective on sex that it makes it seem like it would be impossible to agree on.

Anyway, back to some key points.

By holding out on sex, you get to have a stronger connection through everything that happens in the relationship. It is possible to have a successful relationship without a sexual interaction, but you’ll still think about it from time to time. I do believe that it can show a guy how much you respect your body by not giving in so fast, and it creates a sense of mystery about the woman. Because he does not actually know how it is to be with you sexually, he’s going to desire it a little bit more. But holding out can also make you think if he’s not getting it from you, that your connection isn’t strong enough and he may stray elsewhere.

When I brought this up to a few girlfriends, I got an overall amount of mixed emotions. Not that it is hard to actually put a time limit, but when you are so attracted to someone, you want to show them. Most of my girlfriends are ready to be married, so waiting as long as they can for the “right” one is more rewarding. But I know girlfriends that have had sex on the first date, and still have a successful relationship with their men.

So that makes me wonder, does a time limit really matter when referring to sex? Are there a different set of rules for each guy you mess with? Or should the same rules apply to any type of guy?

Devika

Originally posted on From A Wildflower

For Sale

I consciously placed a sale tag on a non-discountable good.
The one timeless peice,
People would merely walk in and admire,
Was on sale.

Aware,
But based on pure frustration, 
I wanted it to go.
Those who walked in
To purely admire it,
Were in disbelief
Those who had never seen it before, knew it was a steal.
Commotion at the door.

Flipped
Tossed
Tugged
Dropped
Scratched and
Pulled
All the way to the till
They, all of a sudden forgot I had value
For that moment
I was worth that 50% I had placed on me.

Shocked, that even those that knew me
Were willing to walk all over me.
I remembered who I was.
My true value
My worth.

I placed me back to where I belonged
They weren’t happy
They might not even view me for a very long time.
But I’m happy.
I’m happy I got myself back
I then began to stitch myself together
and began to acknowledge my worth.

Every scar
Every follicle
Every strand of hair
Specifically crafted.

I realised why I don’t go flying off the shelves like those around me.
I was not made in a sweat shop.
Every part of me was hand crafted.
Features of my mother and father merged together on face.
Although they are no longer together.
I am both of them.
But in their bothness, 
I am me.
A timeless peice.
Never willing to put myself on sale again.