Joy is peace from within…

Knowing who you are and being unapologetic about it.

Knowing your demons, confronting them, working through them so that you can confidently work towards the woman you’re destined to become.

Joy is the aftermath of allowing yourself to heal, regardless of how ugly the process may be.

It’s forgiving yourself for all the times you gave yourself the short end of the stick and robbing yourself of feeling wholly.

Most importantly, loving yourself through it all.

Kamogelo Mopai

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Letter to 18 Year Old Me

May you never get lost seeking something you already possess in yourself.

You are phenomenal.

You are the magic.

You are blessed.

You are loved.

You don’t have to wait for permission to be your true self, because no one will give it to you. Self Discipline will get you miles further than Beauty and Brains.

The woman you desire to become won’t just spring up on you and surprise you, you have to work on her daily... you gotta let yourself breathe and relax when the world seems like it is too much, because it is gonna go on without you either way.

For the longest time I always believed that one day I’ll just wake up and be this remarkable woman… it’s been 8 years since, and that day hasn’t come because it doesn’t exist.

I began visualizing who she is, and each day, each situation I’d bring in elements of her which I admired and loved to see in myself. And this has taught me to show up as her. Most importantly, I’ve learned that it’s okay to reinvent myself as many times as possible.

You don’t owe anyone versions of yourself they don’t even know, like you do. Versions of you they may not even like, Versions of you they felt comfortable disrespecting,

Versions of you that fed their ego…

you don’t owe anyone anything. No one owes you anything. Babygirl, you gotta have your own back… first of all, it’s your back!

I’ve learned to tune people out when they put me in boxes I know I don’t tick or boxes that have old versions of me or boxes that have no business being in the same sentence as me.

I smile boldly every time someone tells me that I’ve changed, because I work too damn hard to stay the same.

I hope no one boldly talks you out of being yourself.

I hope you embrace the journey of finding yourself within.

And it only dawned on me today…

The beauty of life is the journey (it can be any journey) that leads you to different places, that allow you to search yourself and meet yourself deeply.

And I hope one day you understand this ♥️.

I will forever be grateful to The Young Legacy Empower Her Program for assigning me to my mentee, because it’s moments with her, that enable me to reach that much deeper in myself and reflect.

She had sent me a beautiful birthday message, and in the midst of me thanking her, I found myself writing a letter to 18 year old me and half way through I realized that this was probably what I needed when I was younger. There’s so much beauty in sharing your journey with young woman. I never take it for granted. There’s nothing more beautiful than wanting to see someone win so bad and be a being a part of that journey ♥️

Temple

I spent hours at the mirror

Surrounded by silence

Admiring my body

Not for anybody

But myself.

I marveled at my beauty

With no intention of

Capturing the moment

Or sharing my body

Just embodying who I’ve grown to become.

A woman.

A well carved sculpture

Embodying love,

War

And growth.

Destroyed inside

By the men I let enter

Take pictures

And pull away from me

what was sacred.

What is sacred.

How dare you

Make me kneel before you

For your mercy.

For your pleasure.

When I am the Temple?

You leave me drenched in your burdens…

Yet you leave the same way you came in.

Did I not move you?

Were you now elevated in my presence?

Zhengzhou, Home of Shaolin Temple

Sunday, 07:30

23 September 2018

First poem I’ve finally written in God knows how long

Day 79: In Closing

Love is personal

Love is peace

Love is painful

Love is a lot like happiness

Love is a process

Love is patient

Love is being patient with yourself

Love is being yourself

Love is God

Love is seeking God

Love is finding God

Love is knowing your creators and forefathers

Love is knowing who you are

Love is knowing that you’re body, soul and spirit

Love is praising on a mountain to be one with your trinity

Love is singing

Love is silence

Love is letting music move you

Love is confusion

Love is confronting your demons

Love is knowing your demons, so your loved ones don’t have to feel their aftermath

Love is forgiveness

Love is forgiving yourself for holding on to hurt

Love is bursting into tears on a bus filled with strangers

Love is healing in a different country, in isolation

Love is loving yourself through it all

Love is finding your voice

Love is finding your voice in prayer

Love is prayer

Love is being mindful of the things that make you happy.

Love is is standing up for what you believe in.

Love is kind

My kind of love is chaos, but it’s also deep.

My love is uniquely me.

Day 41: Silence

Some days I don’t write because I’m hurting.

And that’s been the case for the past 12 days.

Other days I don’t write because I’m so overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts which I force myself do deal with.

So please, excuse my silence, because during these moments, I have no desire to go on.

The pain drains me and pulls me away from confronting my demons and the pen.

I’m so grateful to those who remind me that I am not alone, that they too, are hurting and healing. I truly appreciate you all for reaching out.

During this time of silence, I’ve learned that healing is such a painful process.

Opening up to yourself, and identifying your own toxic traits which you’ve force fed yourself and having no one else to blame but yourself is daunting.

Learning to not only identify your toxic habits, but to make a conscious decision to unlearn them and actually follow through is a mammoth task.

But I owe it to myself and the people whom I wish to be surrounded by.

To those healing and hurting:

Remember, a healing journey is not an overnight stay; it is a process, and it’s often painful.

It’s a journey worth working through, feel free to pull to the side, as often as needed to care for your wounds, healing your heart with other broken parts of you is okay.

Day 28: Binging on Christ

I dedicated yesterday to seeking God’s face.

I read a number of plans and scriptures on my Bible App that touched and moved me deeply.

All relevant to various areas of my life, but most importantly my spiritual pigsty.

Throughout the day of constantly seeking, knocking, praying and listening, I came across The spiritual warfare battle plan, http://bible.com/r/2Oi a 5 Day Plan on my Bible app.

I decided to share this because throughout my journey, I was truly amazed at how people responded to my journey.

Many of us are hurting, yearning and healing.

I truly pray that this speaks to you like it did to me.

Below, I’ve shared an Excerpts that truly spoke to me each day:

Day1: Keep this truth in mind: the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Every demon has the same mission. How they go about it—their strategies and tactics—are different. A spirit of fear attacks your faith, for example, while a spirit of rejection attacks your identity. Satan is strategic. His army is highly organized, and he is sending specific spirits against believers to derail them from their kingdom purpose.

Day 2: The spirit of Jezebel seeks to seduce and often works through teaching and prophecy. This spirit seduces the saints into idolatry and immorality. This spirit may use control and manipulation to do it, but ultimately that’s not the end game. Jezebel’s end game is murder. The wages of sin is death, and Jezebel leads people into sin.

I further studied the spirit of Jezebel.

Turns out that the Jezebel spirit is one of Satan’s higher-ranking, more intelligent demons if not the smartest kind of demon he has in his kingdom.

Below are some further studies:

Part 1: What is the Jezebel Spirit

https://www.bible-knowledge.com/the-jezebel-spirit-and-how-it-operates/

Part 2: The Ways in Which the Jezebel Spirit Will Operate

https://www.bible-knowledge.com/how-jezebel-spirit-will-operate/

Another enlightening read:

https://aandbcounseling.com/12-warning-signs-person-influence-jezebel-spirit/

Day 3: Prayer-Father, in the name of Jesus I come to You repenting of giving in to feelings of fear. I rebuke the spirit of fear that is working to entrap me, steal my faith, rob my peace, and otherwise riddle me with anxiety, in Christ’s name. I choose faith, trust, and love. I fear and trust the Lord only, in the name of the Christ. Amen.

Day 4: Bitterness is deadly. Over time, bitterness will defile our spirits and dull our ability to sense the presence of God or hear His voice. If you are mad at God, be honest with Him. Give Him your anger, and He will turn that anger into peace and a greater revelation of His sovereignty if you will let Him.

I was also moved by the prayer:

Lord, I choose to forgive those who hurt me, offended me, abused me, despitefully used me, or wronged me. Help me, Lord, to recognize the enemy’s strategy to trap me in resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness. Help me not to hold people’s sins against them. Teach me to avoid responding with a judgmental heart when I am hurting. Heal my emotions and renew a right spirit within me. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Day 5: Breaking the power of vicious circles is often a matter of making better choices, but when it’s a demonic cycle you need to identify the imaginations and wrong thought patterns that are allowing wicked spirits to wreak havoc on your life. 

Go forth, spiritual warrior, with praise in your heart and prayer on your lips, dressed for battle. The battle belongs to the Lord, and the devil will flee seven ways. He has no choice when you submit yourself to God and resist him. No demon in hell is stronger than a will aligned with the Word of God. God’s grace floods the soul that seeks first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.

-I’m so glad that I’ve been focusing on old habits and patterns to find healing. A part of me felt like I was wasting my time, another party of me didn’t even want to dig deeper, in fear of numerous things.

There is so much power in identifying your patterns and what thoughts you break into when certain events or human encounters occur.

Be mindful of where you mind wonders off to when you’re left alone with your own thoughts.

Be mindful of where your mind wonders off to in the presence of certain people and occurrences.

Don’t foolishly allow your imagination to whisk itself off with pieces of you and your faith, only to replace them with doubt and fear.

Be mindful and vigilant.

Always guard your thoughts and faith.