I Wanted Coffee…

A passionate history of empty promises,

In the chamber of moments never written,

I was waiting for you…

Your presence

poured out like perfume –

No wonder I adored you so much.

Just wanting you to look at me once more…

Just look at me like love.

And like a break from war,

I accept you with open arms wide open,

Just glad that you’re breathing again,

And glad that you’re whole.

 

 

Now I am everything depicting broken because it is my heart that you stole.

Now here you are…

And I am unable to feel my own hollow; due to the illusion that you make me whole.

Waking up next to you, with the smell of coffee brewing parallel to morning dust.

Coffee synonymous to lust

At this moment, I am unable to differentiate between love and lust.

I’ve avoided so many potential heartbreaks

Yet I still want to face your heads on.

Upon preparation for this moment

I specifically said I wanted coffee.

And not coffee in the morning.

But Coffee as a gesture.

A simple gesture to show that you care.

 

Dream

She dreamt me into existence…
I was no threat,
I mean,
He was just my friend,
Nothing about it was pretend.

From borderline brother,
To undercover lover,
Like harmless breeze turned thunder.

Like Alice, 
I’m in Wonder…
I’m lost,
I’m confused,
My feelings;
New
Who knew?
Me and you?!?
From Souled Out tunes to old school blues,
From bluesing to bruising
From humming to moaning the same tune.

Her insecurities, prophesied
Didn’t take long ’til they materialised
Now I’m mesmerised
Living another life
Caught up in a web of lines
Because
I am not his
And
He is not mine.

♥ Kamiz

One Night Stand

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I am incapable of consciously
giving up a piece of myself for temporary pleasure or enjoyment.
I would kick myself at the thought of him having not earned it.
I am aware that I may become a little bit more friendly and flirtatious under the influence of alcohol.
I may even indicate signs of getting lucky, but I NEVER give it up.
I personally feel that people lose value that way.

♥ Kamiz

Nightfall

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Played house, in the ruins of lust,
The words I can never fake, always find a way to come out.
Fully aware that the love you gave me, were just specs of dust.
I watch them fall sweetly from your lips!
And watch how your hands unashamedly caress my hips.
Oh how I love the bittersweet taste.
As I see how we’re both hanging on by a piece of thread.
A thread of our own sanity..
Mine from loneliness,
Yours from promiscuity.
Words spoken, just tokens of profanity.
Our loneliness unable to keep it’s hands to itself.
Suffering together, because shared heartbreak weakens itself.
But why pretend to trust in me?
Why show me, a supposed stranger, the inside of you arms?
Why show me the pain caused by the ones  you once loved and the scars left above your plams?
Hell is being in your arms in my dreams, and waking up alone.
Because there is nothing more deadly than being with some, but at the same time, being alone.

♥ Kamiz

I Can Never Be Her…

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I can never be her…
I can never have the effect she has on you.
I can never get THAT look you give her,
Or have the satisfaction of making you smile like she would.

I don’t know her.
I’ve never seen how she looks
But I can tell how she looks
By the way you look at me…
I can tell that she’s tall,
With long black hair,
Smells like Chanel,
With light brown eyes, 
& skin that’s fair.

I know when you’re with me, 
You’re never really with me.
I can tell you’re thinking of a girl, 
Who might slightly resemble me.

I can see deep down inside,
You fear that you might lose 
the remaining pieces of her.
You’re so scared that you 
might eventually confuse me for her.
So you still stubbornly cling to the remains
& refrain from fully committing to me.

It ended too soon,
That’s why you’re still caught up on her. 
Wandering how things would be,
If you never broke up!

I hate how she has a hold on you…
How she can make you wish 
I was her when you hold me, 
& how you tell me you love me 
Then look away…

I can tell that .
She’s the one girl, 
Who you love more than me.
You seem to somehow forget,, 
How much I love you!

I don’t even consider her competition,
Yet,
Here I am, 
Running a race… 
Knowing very well who’s gonna take first place!

I know… 
For her? 
You’d leave me lonely!
Just let me know 
If I’m standing in your way…

Truth is, 
I can never be her…
I’ll never change myself for an opportunity at love,
For something that Might happen, 
No certainty or guarantee..
I won’t fool myself 
By telling Me 
That you really wanna be with me
Right now.
I’m merely a mirage of the person you love.
The person that should’ve been me…
The person I Couldn’t be.
The person I refuse to be &
The person I’ll never be.

♥ Kamiz