AIDS Is No Stranger To Me

I remember coming home one afternoon and they had casually said “Elton is no more”

[Elton was my friend 

A little boy who lived next door]

See, I knew it was inevitable 

I knew that it was gonna happen 

But I just didn’t understand 

He was 12

He was my friend

He had done nothing…

He had done nothing wrong 
Some days he was full of life

Other days he couldn’t come out to play.

On those days, I resented his parents for breeding …

Giving birth to a ticking time bomb.
He lived with his Mom, Dad and Little Brother 

In a small four walled house.

A house where death was no stranger.

He had lost his dad at first.

A man with a beautiful soul.

Then a newly born brother 

Whom we didn’t get to see grow-

Those four walls eventually covered his screams.
One day we were playing at the washing line,

And he had told me that some day soon, he’s going to die

I was in disbelief 

Because death and youth synonymously, we’re unbeknown to me.
It wasn’t long until his mom moved on to another 

I’d hear my friend’s screams land on my window seal

The new dad took pleasure in teaching my friend a lesson.

And in those same very four walls

Another little brother was conceived.

I couldn’t help but think that

She enjoyed watching her loved ones suffer and wither away. 

I was pissed 

I was mad

I think she secretly enjoyed giving birth to ticking time bombs.

Again, I just didn’t understand.

But there was one thing I saw in her eyes…

And it was Survival.

She was hungry to live and be provided for 

Not matter what the cost…
Wed 18 May 2016

I am sitting on my bed, a little over 12 years finally Mourning my friend’s loss…

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09/04/2016

Waiting on the sun to sleep

I allow my clothes to grace my ankles. 

I turn on the shower – 

Grab a wine glass and make it less hollow. 

Slip into the shower with the the sole purpose of scrubbing my soul clean from anything a that is not me.  

In pursuit of nothing less than self intimacy 

Longing to be intimate with myself, and only me.  

Hot waters hit my back, 

hot vapors hit the ceiling, 

dancing in the air, 

graciously existing my body, 

Stripping away characters that remain long after the person leaves. 

Long after the pain. 

Finally allowing me to enjoy my company.. 

My body now feels like home to me.

Laying naked, un ashamed of baring my flaws. 

At this point, I am aware that nobody matters more than me. 

I get cosy with no intention of touching myself, but rather to invite myself and let myself know me more.

Reintroducing myself to my scars. 

Identifying features beyond intertwined branches, drawn from places much deeper – rooted trees in the soil.

Quote

Why is the devil so father-phobic?

“The devil has been trying to expunge every image that represents a loving faithful fathers from our culture. But why is the devil so father -phobic? Because he know that if  he can continue to destroy Galilee, through broken dads, it will keep us from discovering that there is a heavenly Father who can turn the fatherless into a family of His beloved ones ” 


-Ed Tandy McGlasson 

The Father You’ve Always Wanted 
What a beautiful book. 

I don’t do intimacy with strangers 

And although they don’t know the depths of my soul 

Parts of them wonder about me when they’re alone

Lip locking with my chakras 

Because their “hellos” don’t sound like echoes 

There’s more behind it

It’s not emptiness built on nothings.
And although I may not want anything  to do with the person

Parts of me remain

Where we last met

Holding parts of what’s left

Because I know they’ll return 

No one wants to leave remains of themselves 

At places that don’t feel like home

Between Nothing

This title carries so many uncertainties I no longer want to keep

Distributing my loneliness in every man I seek

It’s hard for me to admit to myself

And it’s not because I thought he was the one

I just chose him over many ones

And I assumed he’d do the same

I’m very certain this isn’t heart break

Because, my heart he didn’t take

But a part of me has feelings that I can no longer

– Still Stuck On One