words deployed during the hardest of times, when butterflies and tongue ties wouldn’t allow me to let you know how I feel… they don’t even bother to last long enough to form a sentence.
How do you boldly confess that you’ll give me some thing like love, when all that I asked for was love.
How do you not see that you’re falling short? I effortlessly give you all of me, my stars & moons, only to get empty spaces in return.
Laying in sinfully white linen,
Covering the remains of my body,
Which are drenched in sex and loneliness.
Unable to fathom the debt I paid for love,
Because no one is able to hold me once you’re gone.
Not only am I swimming in your sweat,
I’m drowning in thoughts of you,
Unable to utter another man’s name.
Unable to spit out the sins I effortlessly swallowed last night.
Unable to get you out of my head…
Because the Coffee I wanted so bad,
Landed up being the Coffin I eagerly buried myself in.
I can’t help but reminisce about how bad I longed for your kiss,
The same kiss which happened to suck out my soul, along with my logic.
I am as unfamiliar with my surroundings as I am to myself.
A constellation of regret lays swift the window seal,
As I did on the bed, waiting to be consumed by your darkness,
Because the stars and I aren’t strangers to the one thing that makes us Come alive…
A passionate history of empty promises,
In the chamber of moments never written,
I was waiting for you…
poured out like perfume –
No wonder I adored you so much.
Just wanting you to look at me once more…
Just look at me like love.
And like a break from war,
I accept you with open arms wide open,
Just glad that you’re breathing again,
And glad that you’re whole.
Now I am everything depicting broken because it is my heart that you stole.
Now here you are…
And I am unable to feel my own hollow; due to the illusion that you make me whole.
Waking up next to you, with the smell of coffee brewing parallel to morning dust.
Coffee synonymous to lust
At this moment, I am unable to differentiate between love and lust.
I’ve avoided so many potential heartbreaks
Yet I still want to face your heads on.
Upon preparation for this moment
I specifically said I wanted coffee.
And not coffee in the morning.
But Coffee as a gesture.
A simple gesture to show that you care.
Today I had no desire to see the sun rise or set,
Oxygen was nothing short of an enemy.
Life seemingly unfamiliar
Drowning in regret
Floating in what could of been
Drowning in your scent…
I love myself enough for it to over shadow the love I initially thought I needed from others.
I’ve grown found of affection, Something which has always been foreign to me.
There’s something that feelings so homely about a pillow with a beating heart….
Blanket that resignates with body heat…
And calm breaths that scream “HOME”
This moment is so precious to me.
Conscious of the energy we feeding the moment
Too tired to sleep
Nurturing warmth between the sheets.
I love being held,
And I’m no longer ashamed to confess that,
I no longer associate my emotional fulfilment with weakness.
Creating memories that refuse to be forgotten beyond the pain caused
I am needy because I’m human and I deserve to be held.