For The Body

It never crossed my mind that taking my clothes off for a couple of sweet words was beyond unethical.

You see, Prostitution is a trade-off between morals & money.
But what do you call it when you trade your morals for attention?

Society taught me, who I am, isn’t good enough,
Since then, I’ve been in search of validation,
& in return, I left my body in complete annihilation,
Because I’m too busy living to give a damn about my education.

I’m too busy putting on makeup because I don’t like the sight of my bare reflection.

My mind & body are in some sort of bittersweet altercation.

I seem to allure strangers that may never be properly introduced to my spirit but land up getting introduced to the demons in my head.

Their naked bodies creep into my bed smelling of another woman’s stench.

They, fondle my breasts,
And I effortlessly part my legs
Like the red sea spread for Moses
With each deep stroke leaving my sheets a bloody mess…

Their patience for me,
Proportionally inverse to their dick size.
And…
After the hot sex,
Their emotions for me evaporate faster than the sweat in between our fully satisfied bodies.

Situation left sticky…

So heavily drenched in lonely that they don’t even bother to hold me…
Scared that my loneliness might linger on the follicles of their skin.

Fuck bitch! i’ll call you back in 2 minutes
wounded up being a few weeks,

Mind heavily impregnated,
Fueled with a million assumptions & insecurities …
Because they forever make my body a vessel that makes them come, & at times on my face,

But won’t be around when the bitter tears race, like my tears are some sort of kryptonite to their manhood…

They’ll never know the million scars that hide the very pain I scratch in their back.

When they come back,
They bite my lip so hard,
And suck out the bitter taste they left lingering on my lips from the last time.

So damaged, that I’ll probably only be able to recognize my own reflection with the broken piece of the mirror used to draw lines that satisfy my addiction.

The voices in me don’t sound like me anymore, they sound more like demons, demons that sound like them.

At this point,
My body is well acquainted with every position in the karma sutra,

We don’t even bother with foreplay, because I’m already wet,

Then I hear a careless whispers…

“baby girl, this doesn’t suit ya”

Thing is, I’m not doing this to look good, I do this to feel good…

All I ever wanted, was to be more than a wounded 2nd option

I heard
“time heals all”
But what do I do when every day it feels like the hands on my clock also suffer,
But with arthritis,
Barely moving…

See, I’ve been looking for God EVERYWHERE,
everywhere but the bible,

Trying to figure out the notion about this thing called man…

Because Adam was easily manipulated by Eve,
But all my pussy power can do, is manipulate men to leave.

They pulled me from their chest, put an apple in my hand & blame me for their mess…

I lay in bed crying for invisibility because when I look up, the reflection I see of myself, is the god in him…

I know that the story ends in sin…

Many lifeless bodies who could have been lawyers, doctors, pro athletes lay breathless suffocated in latex on the pile of tissues left in my bin…

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Forever 21

I recently asked if I was somewhat weird or awkward for being 21 and still ( forever single), and I got the most surprising response which actually warmed my heart. I’d like to share it:

” Nothing wrong with you. 

If anything you are being more careful than most who would rush into a relationship. 

I have some words for you, if you will listen. 

Always, always, always listen to your gut. Even above your heart. If you wait, and are wise, there will come into your life a person who activates your heart AND your gut instincts. This is the person you will pursue, and hopefully marry. He will make you happier than you can imagine. 

Never, ever, ever have sex before marriage. Sex will destroy what foundation you have with him, and gives him your commitment without requiring his. There is nowhere left for him to go with you after sex, which is why you find so many confused women on this very site, wondering why a man has ceased all contact after they have sex with him. 

Be wise, be patient, and above all, work on yourself. Work on your heart. 

Learn to be vulnerable. Learn to be feminine-and LOVE being it. There is little more a delight to a man than a woman who loves being a woman, and loves being HIS woman. You would be a blessing that cannot be bought with money, gold, or diamonds, and would be worth far more than all of those things”

Thethundrawolf.

Is This Really The End? (part 6)

No joy comes from being the other woman.
Lust will never be enough to sustain you.

LaurakinsTrain

You beg and plead. I even have you on your knees But that won’t change my mind. She needs to know EVERYTHING!!

You get angry. A volcano of emotions explode all over your body. Trying to scare me with your Hulk like anger. Baby you wouldn’t even harm a fly. What makes you think you would lay a hand on me?

[Remember when you’d strut around like a god? When the world was at your feet and what you desired, you got. Your gloating to your homies- you got them both. Puny god…]

You gather your stuff and leave like a wounded puppy.

I’m left alone with my thoughts. I’m ready to tell. I want her to know about our sins and secrets. This heavy load on my shoulders is weighing me down. Am I ready to ruin our friendship? I’m not ready to cast dark clouds over HER happy…

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Daddy Issues

Why do you teach these boys to impregnate us and leave, and
Bow down on their knees to pale white feet, like they can’t even stand us?

If you’re lucky enough to have one be a part of your life. You get handed a undeserved proclaimed title of “Crazy Baby Momma”.

They place their chocolate dipped Moms on Golden pedestals.
Forgetting that they too may have gone through the same stuggles, but they were’t around to see it.

Dads’ absence, in their lives made their Moms stronger.
All they see in their mothers, are feet that have been firmly planted on the ground.
But when it comes to their Baby Mommas, all they sees is a storm with skin on.
Just Damage.
Little did they know that she is damaged.
Little did they know that they caused the damage.

But they don’t get it.

They use every opportunity they can get to slander her and her sisters.
Crazy stupid bitches. Dark. Ugly.
Then puts their chocolate dipped daughters on the same golden pedestal they put their mothers on.

I don’t get it.

♥ Kamiz

One Night Stand

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I am incapable of consciously
giving up a piece of myself for temporary pleasure or enjoyment.
I would kick myself at the thought of him having not earned it.
I am aware that I may become a little bit more friendly and flirtatious under the influence of alcohol.
I may even indicate signs of getting lucky, but I NEVER give it up.
I personally feel that people lose value that way.

♥ Kamiz

Nightfall

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Played house, in the ruins of lust,
The words I can never fake, always find a way to come out.
Fully aware that the love you gave me, were just specs of dust.
I watch them fall sweetly from your lips!
And watch how your hands unashamedly caress my hips.
Oh how I love the bittersweet taste.
As I see how we’re both hanging on by a piece of thread.
A thread of our own sanity..
Mine from loneliness,
Yours from promiscuity.
Words spoken, just tokens of profanity.
Our loneliness unable to keep it’s hands to itself.
Suffering together, because shared heartbreak weakens itself.
But why pretend to trust in me?
Why show me, a supposed stranger, the inside of you arms?
Why show me the pain caused by the ones  you once loved and the scars left above your plams?
Hell is being in your arms in my dreams, and waking up alone.
Because there is nothing more deadly than being with some, but at the same time, being alone.

♥ Kamiz

Jungle Fever

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I am not your fucking fetish.
My fellow sisters, of color are NOT your fucking fetish too.
We are Not sex objects who exist only to fulfill your sexual fantasies or your  experimental porn.
I don’t accept “Yellow Fever”, “Jungle fever” or any kind of fevers you associate us woman of color with.

If you were taught that people of color are supposed to be inherently unattractive and undesirable; then maybe you’re the one with the “fever”, in fact you’re really sick with a really bad case of racisim.
Stop dehumanizing us!
We’re not here for your fucking pity party.  
We’re capable and intellectual woman.

–  In Reference To Your Sickness                          

♥ Kamiz