In your 20’s you just want to love and be loved. So you love carelessly….
I remember coming home one afternoon and they had casually said “Elton is no more”
[Elton was my friend
A little boy who lived next door]
I didn’t know much about AIDS
But I knew that dirty word was Drenched in Death.
See, I knew it was inevitable
I knew that it was gonna happen
But I just didn’t understand.
He was 12,
He was my friend,
He had done nothing…
He had done nothing wrong!
Some days he was full of life
Other days he couldn’t come out to play.
On those days, I resented his parents for breeding …
Giving birth to a ticking time bomb.
He lived with his Mom, Dad and Little Brother
In a small four walled house.
A house where death was no stranger.
He had lost his dad at first.
A man with a beautiful soul.
Then a newly born brother
Whom we didn’t get to see grow;
Those four walls eventually covered his screams.
A few days later day we were playing at the washing line,
And he had told me that some day soon, he would follow.
I was in disbelief,
Because death and youth synonymously, we’re unbeknown to me.
It wasn’t long until his mom moved on to another lover
I’d hear my friend’s screams land on my window seal
The new dad took pleasure in teaching my friend a lesson.
And in those same very four walls
Another little brother was conceived.
I couldn’t help but think that
She enjoyed watching her loved ones suffer and wither away.
I was PISSED!
I was MAD!
I think she secretly enjoyed giving birth to ticking time bombs.
Again, I just didn’t understand.
But there was one thing I saw in her eyes…
And it was Survival.
She was hungry to live and be provided for
Not matter the cost…
Wed 18 May 2016
I am sitting on my bed, a little over 12 years finally Mourning my friend’s loss…
Today I had no desire to see the sun rise or set,
Oxygen was nothing short of an enemy.
Life seemingly unfamiliar
Drowning in regret
Floating in what could of been
Drowning in your scent…
Being the other women is not an accomplishment, it’s a chore…It requires more of you…
More that you’re willing to know.
– The other woman…
Stop using me as a gateway of passing time Idled between ruined fantasies and happily ever afters.
–The Other Woman
I love myself enough for it to over shadow the love I initially thought I needed from others.