Letter to 18 Year Old Me

May you never get lost seeking something you already possess in yourself.

You are phenomenal.

You are the magic.

You are blessed.

You are loved.

You don’t have to wait for permission to be your true self, because no one will give it to you. Self Discipline will get you miles further than Beauty and Brains.

The woman you desire to become won’t just spring up on you and surprise you, you have to work on her daily... you gotta let yourself breathe and relax when the world seems like it is too much, because it is gonna go on without you either way.

For the longest time I always believed that one day I’ll just wake up and be this remarkable woman… it’s been 8 years since, and that day hasn’t come because it doesn’t exist.

I began visualizing who she is, and each day, each situation I’d bring in elements of her which I admired and loved to see in myself. And this has taught me to show up as her. Most importantly, I’ve learned that it’s okay to reinvent myself as many times as possible.

You don’t owe anyone versions of yourself they don’t even know, like you do. Versions of you they may not even like, Versions of you they felt comfortable disrespecting,

Versions of you that fed their ego…

you don’t owe anyone anything. No one owes you anything. Babygirl, you gotta have your own back… first of all, it’s your back!

I’ve learned to tune people out when they put me in boxes I know I don’t tick or boxes that have old versions of me or boxes that have no business being in the same sentence as me.

I smile boldly every time someone tells me that I’ve changed, because I work too damn hard to stay the same.

I hope no one boldly talks you out of being yourself.

I hope you embrace the journey of finding yourself within.

And it only dawned on me today…

The beauty of life is the journey (it can be any journey) that leads you to different places, that allow you to search yourself and meet yourself deeply.

And I hope one day you understand this ♥️.

I will forever be grateful to The Young Legacy Empower Her Program for assigning me to my mentee, because it’s moments with her, that enable me to reach that much deeper in myself and reflect.

She had sent me a beautiful birthday message, and in the midst of me thanking her, I found myself writing a letter to 18 year old me and half way through I realized that this was probably what I needed when I was younger. There’s so much beauty in sharing your journey with young woman. I never take it for granted. There’s nothing more beautiful than wanting to see someone win so bad and be a being a part of that journey ♥️

Advertisements

Day 11: Love Letter

Today, I read old letters I once wrote to past lovers…

It’s the words I wrote that truly spoke to me.

My love has always been silent but bold.

Silent Roar is what I call her.

I let my heart bleed on those pages in fear of my love being to large to digest.

I could never confront any lover without the fear of drowning them in my intensity.

I now see why my subconscious always drew me away from love.

She knew my love was daring, bold, submissive yet unapologetic.

I’ve always fallen too short of my own love.

It has taken me my whole life to grow into her Silent Roar.

Nobody Asks An Art Piece Why It Is The Way It Is

I haven’t written for a very long time and I guess it’s because I’m still going through the many forms of hurt and pain and I don’t know how to express without actually hurting.

And I guess I also realised that people close to me go through my work and ask about it.

It’s uncomfortable.

I Hate it.

I write because I don’t want to talk about it.

People don’t get that.

I remember why I actually started writing,

I had a lot of heaviness, I felt neglected and heavily betrayed by the only person I knew how to love the most.

I could have been many questionable things at that point of my life,

But I turned to my notebook.

Now here I am,

With somewhat of a trembling pen just trying to get my life together again

Because living half a life isn’t worth it anymore.

I just want to be

A L I V E

This is Chapter 2 of my life.

Stranger

I don’t know why I’m writing this,
But it kinda feels good…

I know you’re somewhere out there 
Probably reading this…

I’m assuming you’re a Stranger 
Who probably knows nothing about me
Because for long, those closest to me didnt even know I write poetry. 

So any judgments you make of me
Will be based on this poem,
Or perhaps the other poems I’ve written.
I like that!

I like how I can slightly control what you think of me.
Showing you my good,
My bad,
Or what you may regard as My ugly.

I like the idea of you formulating your opinion about me, based on that alone.

I know this won’t make much sense…
But I truly appreciate you & your presence.
I appreciate you taking time off your busy life,
Just to read words that I’ve managed to rip off my chest,  
Because those closest to me,
Those who swear they love me, 
Just don’t have the time… 

That’s what I like about you I guess
The fact that you’re here 
Actually giving a damn about me,
Or at least leading me an ear… 

At this very moment in time,
I can be anyone I want to be
Just to create the perfect first impression,
But instead,
I choose to be myself.
I’d like to have a chance to be loved for who, I am for once.
Even if it’s just for a moment..
I may never feel it,
But that mere thought will keep me going.

Either way Stranger,
I thank you… 
I thank for allowing me 
To make my first impression on you, 
For giving me a chance to start over,
For somehow making me feel loved…

We’ll probably never meet 
Or cross paths again…
This will probably eventually fade from your memories before dusk falls or the sun rises.
And I Will probably forget that I ever wrote this.  
but in this moment
Or souls have collided, 
And we will never be, like we once were…