Letter to 18 Year Old Me

May you never get lost seeking something you already possess in yourself.

You are phenomenal.

You are the magic.

You are blessed.

You are loved.

You don’t have to wait for permission to be your true self, because no one will give it to you. Self Discipline will get you miles further than Beauty and Brains.

The woman you desire to become won’t just spring up on you and surprise you, you have to work on her daily... you gotta let yourself breathe and relax when the world seems like it is too much, because it is gonna go on without you either way.

For the longest time I always believed that one day I’ll just wake up and be this remarkable woman… it’s been 8 years since, and that day hasn’t come because it doesn’t exist.

I began visualizing who she is, and each day, each situation I’d bring in elements of her which I admired and loved to see in myself. And this has taught me to show up as her. Most importantly, I’ve learned that it’s okay to reinvent myself as many times as possible.

You don’t owe anyone versions of yourself they don’t even know, like you do. Versions of you they may not even like, Versions of you they felt comfortable disrespecting,

Versions of you that fed their ego…

you don’t owe anyone anything. No one owes you anything. Babygirl, you gotta have your own back… first of all, it’s your back!

I’ve learned to tune people out when they put me in boxes I know I don’t tick or boxes that have old versions of me or boxes that have no business being in the same sentence as me.

I smile boldly every time someone tells me that I’ve changed, because I work too damn hard to stay the same.

I hope no one boldly talks you out of being yourself.

I hope you embrace the journey of finding yourself within.

And it only dawned on me today…

The beauty of life is the journey (it can be any journey) that leads you to different places, that allow you to search yourself and meet yourself deeply.

And I hope one day you understand this ♥️.

I will forever be grateful to The Young Legacy Empower Her Program for assigning me to my mentee, because it’s moments with her, that enable me to reach that much deeper in myself and reflect.

She had sent me a beautiful birthday message, and in the midst of me thanking her, I found myself writing a letter to 18 year old me and half way through I realized that this was probably what I needed when I was younger. There’s so much beauty in sharing your journey with young woman. I never take it for granted. There’s nothing more beautiful than wanting to see someone win so bad and be a being a part of that journey ♥️

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“I have grown to understand that I’m difficult to love, not because I’m broken, but  because I’m whole. I don’t give guys the luxury of loving me in parts. I love all of me whole heartedly, so it becomes difficult for a guy to squeeze through my insecurities to fill a void he might think I possess. I don’t get aroused by petty compliments.
See, some guys find joy in loving someone who’s broken so that they fix them, just to break them again.”

By Kamogelo Mopai

Extracted from my Validation piece which I’ll be posting later

Black Women

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Black Woman.
Forever silenced and
Passed off as crazy.

Black Woman.
According to society,
We don’t have the right to feel beautiful…

Black Woman.
Our beauty and our intelligence are unrecognisable.

Black Woman.
Forever focused on what we lack.
And never what we have.

Black Woman.
The world has denied us of our beauty and turned it into a multi billion dollar industry.

Black Woman.
Relaxer, Extentions, Perms and Skin lightening lotions.
Which have caused more harm than good.

Black Woman.
Stipped off her complexion, natural kink and hairline!
Need I say more?

Black Woman.
“Less black” is perceived more classy.
Media publications, are too scared to lose the “white standard of beauty”.

Black Woman.
Effortlessly disclose the origins of the hair they place above their own.
But unable to tell you the texture of their own hair.

Black Woman.
Expressing how they hate the feel of their own hair growing.
Like those natural curls are something to be ashamed of.

Black Woman.
Never taught to love themselves for who we are.
And Society?
Never taught to accept us for who we are.

Black Woman.
Taught to compete amongst each other.
And feel inferior to woman of other colours.
Too busy tearing each other down.
Not realizing how much stronger we are in numbers.

Black Woman.
It’s acceptable for white women to embrace their sexuality,
But God forbid a black women do the same, or else she’s a hoe.

Black Woman.
They have turned their back on us

See…
I am both Black and a woman, I get combination slurs thrown at me

I’m not just a Nigger or a bitch to people.I am both and they do not hesitate to tell me so.

I don’t get a break. Ever. I have to fight for my womanhood, my Blackness, my humanity daily.

I don’t get the “luxury” of choosing just one. I am both. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Now and forever

And you know what? I don’t want to choose. I’ll never choose. You can never force me to choose.

My Blackness and my womanhood are both equally important to me and I will fight for both of them until the day I die.

♥ Kamiz

Utopia

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Isn’t it amazing how a beauty spot can be located on a body part you like least? 

Or how your nose, eyes, ears and smile are asymmetrically situated to override all your flaws.
Perfection, in the eye of the beholder, is a beautiful thing.                                  
But many believe perfection, in any form is a non existing thing.

♥ Kamiz

Dinner With My Pretty Friend

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She puts her heart on the table
And bares it all.
The good,
The bad,
And the painfully ugly.
She doesn’t hold a single thing back,
And honestly,
I wish she did.  
She almost makes me feel happy that I’m just ordinary and
Forever overlooked.
Behind the layer of her beautiful porcelain skin,
Lays a thousand insecurities crinkled on her so called flaws.
She stretches her barely responsive skin,
In attempt to display how “fat” she is.
She tells me that lately,
She has been relying on her tears for hydration.
She shared beauty tips which I found least expected.
I never would have guessed that shedding tears twice a day eventually keeps the sclera white as snow.
Or how a back hand from someone you love,
Plumps up the lips.

I’m finally seeing that beauty is not only about the ascetics,
But rather the pain that goes into it when nobody is watching.

I realise that I bit off a lot more than I could chew.
I sort of wanna cry now…
If I could just hold back the the waterfall for a little while longer.
In hopes of distracting myself,
My eyes begin to wonder,
Before the thought could even process,
I blurt out

“what’s that on your wrist”,

“oh nothing, just some feelings that wanted to escape my heart”

I hold her hand and gently whisper

“it doesn’t have to be abuse to feel like one”.

She speedily says

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry, he doesn’t beat me up”

I am intrigued by the way his presence flows through her insecurities.

I now see how pretend become her desperate emotion.

I can safely say,
Love,
When not done correctly,
Can easily flip from roses to thorns.

My curious mind refusing to stop,
I ask if the rose red colour down her neck were from “hickies”,

(I knew very well that they were from beatings)

Him throttling her like she’s some sort of Ducati in his extreme sport fantasy is way out of hand.

I can see how uncomfortable she’s getting,
she shakes her head and
Pulls her scarf higher.
She begins to cry

“don’t make me feel like my heart is falling out of my chest”

I was speechless.

For the first time,
I saw beyond her beauty,
I was exposed to more than just some skin and bones.

I could hear what her eyes were saying

“my body has kept me captive like a prisoner for many years”.

Words have never been my strongest point.
I just held her tightly, because that was all I could offer.

It’s just crazy how people would kill to be pretty, while she’d rather die than be beautiful.

We both barely touched our food,
I don’t even remember taking note of the waiter, yet alone making an order.
The bill lands on that table, “50/50?” I ask, and she simply replies “No, don’t worry about, I’ll use his card, it’s the least he could do for giving me all of these scars.”

♥ Kamiz