Pursuit

Fully aware that you pursue me in only in draped skies-

Because I am born of light.

When your own darkness consumes you

And you don’t have the desire to be devoured anymore

You knock on my door

And like the fool that I am- I open

With arms wide open

And a mind filled with naive thoughts that you won’t hurt me-

Yet you leave me in your darkness like you have before

Mind helplessly swimming in confusion

Unable to derifrienciate our demons

Because yours make themselves feel so much at home

In my own

They take up all the empty spaces, that I don’t even notice you leaving

You’re foolish for leaving me with your demons Because they will always find you

And wholely consume you

I am born of light, it’s only a matter of time before they’re blinded by me.

They find comfort in your solitude

Darkness is no Stranger to you

And you will come knocking on my door

And again, I’ll let you in

But this time

Leave your shoes and demons at the door

I am tired of your sole walking all over me.

I hate that you’re the one door I am unable to close

You drain me.

02 June 2016

22:23

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Words.

I have not met you,

But I assure you that your words have been polite.

You have taught them well.

Your words cling to my tongue

They grip me

See, my words no longer heal me.

I can no longer feast upon my words.

My words don’t even greet me.

They hate me.

But I need words.

I need your words.

They have told me all about you,

The storms in your eyes,

Your crooked smile,

Your words are warmer than mine,

Even though you’re more broken than the ocean,

Your words heal me.

But more than anything,

They Speak.

I can tell they’ve been birthed by pain,

And mother by misery,

Heavily burdened,

Yet gentle enough to lie on dandelions.

Your words make me feel like wild fires in love.

You write beautifully.

Thank you.

Cock Tease

I sit here and wonder why I am still single
I mean,
I’m a hopeless romantic,
With a slightly dirty mind,
Reasonably high standards,

Yet…

I’m still single.

Okay so, I recently went on a date,
And between the Mixed Berry Mojito and Nachos
My date managed to slip in a “Non-Offensive” comment which I almost chocked on actually,
‘Til I spat it out and chewed on it later that evening.

I could say a lot of things,
But in short, he called me a Cock Tease,
at that moment….
A part of me believed that I was.

Now according to the Urban Dictionary,

A Cock Tease means:

” a girl that leads a guy to believe that she’s going to have sex with him, then doesn’t.” 

But because I thirst for knowledge,
I continued reading…

Words like tease, slut, whore, skank, and tramp along…

No see, I really do not agree with those.

I am sitting trying to understand how not having sex with a guy automatically qualifies you to be a slut or whore.
But that’s a topic for another day.

Growning up,
I always found it rude when females would dismiss males,
Before they could even conclude their introduction.

I always wondered why they’d assume every guy wanted to get in their pants, before the poor guys could even state their intention.

See, when given a chance to do so,
Some males choke up in their “star struck” phase and aren’t even able to tell you their first name.
Others display a thousand reasons why we refer to males as dogs, or prove that wolves truly do come I sheep skin.
And others, well lets say, mom’s would be proud.

Now when a girl or woman is fully aware of the power she possess,
Whether it be in her face, her head, her curves, under her skirt or the way she flips her hair.
She will somehow take advantage of it.
Where it’s a mechanism to boost her self confidence that many believe she may already possess.
Or she’ll use her body and sexual organs to obtain materialistic things.

I get it, I’m a lil off topic
Let me just draw this closer to home…

Back to me,
Kamiz, the Cock Tease.
it doesn’t even rhyme…

Anyway,

I cannot help but think of all the times my “friendliness” had been taken out of context,
and occasionally gotten me into trouble.

See, when you engage some guys with a perfectly normal conversation, they tend to believe that you may interested, and that’s because many females barely do this.

From this, I found myself in many awkward situations, and telling guys off isn’t one of my strongest traits.

Now see,
I’ve always been taught to see the best in people…
Being Kind
Being loving
And compassionate.

So in many cases, I find myself unintentionally stringing a lot guys on.
And on good days my solar powered confidence my be perceived as sexiness.

I’ll admit,
Growning up, I wasn’t the most confident of beings
If anything, I found my confidence last year, in the mist of my independence.
And before then,
I’ll admit,
My confidence was powered by the heat of the passion ignited by the attention I’d receive from males at the verge of splitting my legs like Moses did the red sea, and just when feel I had received enough affirmation, I’d stop.
Yes this is the type of behaviour portrayed by a cock tease.

But now, I could really care less, because in the mist of pure, innocent confidence self love is a crucial factor.
I am no longer in pursuit of validation or affirmation.

I refuse to take responsibility for males reading my friendliness as an invitation of interest to engage in any form of sexual activity.

My Verdict:

I am Not A Cock Tease!

Sun, 1 June

I still get up and freshen up in the mornings,
Because that’s what I always do…
I always push through.

I sometimes don’t know how to define my face.
So I mask it,
pretending to be better than I actually lead on.

And sometimes
With the lights off,
I feel a lil insignificant,
Because my confidence
Is solar powered and
My dreams aren’t real.

Lately,
I haven’t felt
Lingering kisses on my soft skin.

As much as I would like to deny it,
I hate sleeping alone.
But I’ve been pushing the passed few days.

I think I’m going to be okay. . .

♥ Kamiz