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Emotion is not meant to feel like war

words deployed during the hardest of times, when butterflies and tongue ties wouldn’t allow me to let you know how I feel… they don’t even bother to last long enough to form a sentence.

Nobody Asks An Art Piece Why It Is The Way It Is

I haven’t written for a very long time and I guess it’s because I’m still going through the many forms of hurt and pain and I don’t know how to express without actually hurting.

And I guess I also realised that people close to me go through my work and ask about it.

It’s uncomfortable.

I Hate it.

I write because I don’t want to talk about it.

People don’t get that.

I remember why I actually started writing,

I had a lot of heaviness, I felt neglected and heavily betrayed by the only person I knew how to love the most.

I could have been many questionable things at that point of my life,

But I turned to my notebook.

Now here I am,

With somewhat of a trembling pen just trying to get my life together again

Because living half a life isn’t worth it anymore.

I just want to be

A L I V E

This is Chapter 2 of my life.

Music; To My Ears

You listen to music
Because your aim is to block out the world
Forget your problems
Escape
Feel free
& have an opportunity to be carefree

I listen to music because 
My own thoughts consume me
I’m numb to my emotions
I don’t have much feelings
I don’t trust my emotions

I’m not able to feel the way that you do 
I dont easily express my emotion like ‘normal’ people do 
I could never pour out my emotions 
So don’t worry about me over flowing an ocean 
So most times I come off as cold & mean
Even though it was never my intention,

Verbally expressing myself is something I can’t do
But give me a pen & paper
& I’ll show you
To you, it’s a bunch of words
To me, it’s my emotion
A lyrical canvas
Where I lay my emotions

So when I tell you to play my favourite song
I want you to listen
No, Really listen,
Yea, it has a sick beat and the voice is great
But I want you to hear my emotions…

♥ Kamiz

Suicide

Pen as Razor
Paper as Skin
Writing across my arm
Just for the thrill

Emotion as blood
As I let it all pour out
Hope one day they’ll see.

My poem as Life
I wanna do it right
Pen please don’t fail me..

Posting-It-Up as Death
It’s finally out
Hoping they’ll remember me…

Now the whole world gets to see…
My pain
My suffering
The tears that I’ve cried
& how hope almost failed me.

This paper was gonna be read by the person who would’ve been a second too late to save my life…
But instead this paper saved me…

I no longer hold onto the pain
I jus grab a pen
I’m able to write my problems away…
Cut it up!
Burn it!
Stab it!
Do whatever want…

This is a story about how poetry saved my life…

♥ Kamiz