If you’re going to choose me,

Choose me because you genuinely want me,

Not because you’re scared of seeing me in the arms of another man.


The year has barely began
But I already have secrets I’m planning on keeping

Secrets about people who have never been a part of my everyday life
But have a huge part of me

The type of secrets that do not allow me to make homes of people
For my sanity and safety

The sun rises with my insecurities
And maybe that’s why I hate summer
But this summer will be different
I’ll make memories that no one knows about
Memories that solely belong to me

Because no one has ever unfolded my bare human soul and known me beneath my bones

21 has proved to me, that I deserve so much better
22 will be filled with moments like a white petalled Lotus waiting for consciousness to bloom

I’ll take these secrets 6 feet under
Because there were times when those dear to me knew how I felt
And it was hell for them

I sit here
Fully aware
That there is no way out
And that you don’t meet people by accident
And even after you cut ties with the past
(If you’re not the only person the past involves)
It will still haunt you

And once I’m done with all these secrets
I’ll learn more about silence
And write a novel about all the things people don’t say.

please note that it was my intention to exclude the necessary punctuation.

Emotionless Bxtch!


Oh, I had myself fooled.

I recently started seeing a guy
Okay, I’ve known him for quite a while but it was up until recently when I acknowledged that he actually existed.

Anyway, he called me an emotionless bitch… maybe he didn’t use those exact words, because he’s trying to get into my pants and emotions, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it sounded like.

Surprisingly so, it hurt me because I actually like this one. In all honesty, I thought I was being caring and affectionate (and all the gay stuff that come with emotions) by actually making time for him and sacrificing my alone time, unlike other guys, that I make plans with, then *cough cough* sorry I can’t make it, I’m sick, “rain check?” (Along with the other bullshit stories I spring on these poor guys which I wouldn’t like them knowing because they’re probably reading this too.)

What I really want to say is, I took what he said to into consideration ( along with my Big Sister’s wish on my birthday, which was ” I’d love for her to have more emotion“).
So over the next few weeks or months, I’ll be exploring and experiencing my emotions a whole lot more and a whole lot deeper.

Wish me luck… or better yet, cry for me


♥ Kamiz