I came across this piece just now and I was completely unaware that I wrote it, until I was half way through.
In those seconds, it dawned on me how unbelievablely easy it was for me to write about topics I had absolutely no idea of.
Now, that I’m learning to be aware of my emotions, writing has become such a foreign talent of mine.
Long story short, I can finally relate to what what I used to write about and now that I’m experiencing it, I find it difficult to write.
I haven’t written for a very long time and I guess it’s because I’m still going through the many forms of hurt and pain and I don’t know how to express without actually hurting.
And I guess I also realised that people close to me go through my work and ask about it.
I Hate it.
I write because I don’t want to talk about it.
People don’t get that.
I remember why I actually started writing,
I had a lot of heaviness, I felt neglected and heavily betrayed by the only person I knew how to love the most.
I could have been many questionable things at that point of my life,
But I turned to my notebook.
Now here I am,
With somewhat of a trembling pen just trying to get my life together again
Because living half a life isn’t worth it anymore.
I just want to be
A L I V E
This is Chapter 2 of my life.
You listen to music
Because your aim is to block out the world
Forget your problems
& have an opportunity to be carefree
I listen to music because
My own thoughts consume me
I’m numb to my emotions
I don’t have much feelings
I don’t trust my emotions
I’m not able to feel the way that you do
I dont easily express my emotion like ‘normal’ people do
I could never pour out my emotions
So don’t worry about me over flowing an ocean
So most times I come off as cold & mean
Even though it was never my intention,
Verbally expressing myself is something I can’t do
But give me a pen & paper
& I’ll show you
To you, it’s a bunch of words
To me, it’s my emotion
A lyrical canvas
Where I lay my emotions
So when I tell you to play my favourite song
I want you to listen
No, Really listen,
Yea, it has a sick beat and the voice is great
But I want you to hear my emotions…