Sinful White Linen

Laying in sinfully white linen,

Covering the remains of my body,

Which are drenched in sex and loneliness.

 

Unable to fathom the debt I paid for love,

Because no one is able to hold me once you’re gone.

Not only am I swimming in your sweat,

I’m drowning in thoughts of you,

Unable to utter another man’s name.

Unable to spit out the sins I effortlessly swallowed last night.

Unable to get you out of my head…

 

Because the Coffee I wanted so bad,

Landed up being the Coffin I eagerly buried myself in.

 

I can’t help but reminisce about how bad I longed for your kiss,

The same kiss which happened to suck out my soul, along with my logic.

I am as unfamiliar with my surroundings as I am to myself.

 

A constellation of regret lays swift on my window seal,

As I did on the bed, waiting to be consumed by your darkness,

Because the stars and I aren’t strangers to the one thing that makes us Come alive…

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Vulnerability

I’ve grown found of affection, Something which has always been foreign to me.
There’s something that feelings so homely about a pillow with a beating heart….

Blanket that resignates with body heat…

And calm breaths that scream “HOME”
This moment is so precious to me.

Conscious of the energy we feeding the moment 

Too tired to sleep

Nurturing warmth between the sheets.
I love being held,

And I’m no longer ashamed to confess that,

I no longer associate my emotional fulfilment with weakness.
Creating memories that refuse to be forgotten beyond the pain caused
I am needy because I’m human and I deserve to be held.

I’ve overcome my vulnerability…

I wanted coffee…

A passionate history of empty promises.

In the chamber of moments never written.
I was waiting for you.
Your presence is perfume poured out-

No wonder I adored you so much.
I just wanted you to look at me like love.
And like a break from war, 

I accept you with open arms 

Just glad that you’re breathing again 

And glad that you’re whole.
Now I am everything depicting broken, because it is my heart that you stole.
Now here you are…
I am unable to feel my own hollow

Due to the illusion that that you make me whole.
Waking up next to you, with the smell of coffee brewing parallel to morning dust.
At this time, I am unable to differentiate between love and lust.
I’ve avoided so many potential heartbreaks

Yet I still want to face you heads on.

Upon preparation for this moment 

I specifically said I want coffee.

And not coffee in the morning.

But Coffee as a gesture, 

To show that you care…
Two full moons later,

I can’t help but feel like the fool….
All you had to do was show up.

I wasn’t looking for a grand gesture

Nothing bold

You just had to be there 
I just wanted coffee 
But truly, I wanted understanding 

How could someone bear so much 

With the intention of being wanted 

Turn around and not be wanted once I’ve dropped all my gaurds

I want you…


“I fucken want you and I want to be about you.”

Shouted out to the man of my dreams.

The man created by me in my head.

He lives.

He’s real.

He owns his body,

But the rest of him was created by me.

And I want him!

Dammit, I want him SO bad…

I wanna wrap my legs around him

And dig my fingers into him.
First time I woke thinking about someone either than me,

There’s no reason for us not to be together 

Besides the fact that he’s acting up…

I want to be around him.

I want our bodies in such close proximity that our bodies confuse sweat.

I want him and I want him in every possible way there is to want a human

Bare in mind that I want him, not need him,

And if he doesn’t want to be wanted in every possible way,

He should Allow me to leave.

I’ll take my heart with me and learn to bare a little less the next time….

Quote

Why is the devil so father-phobic?

“The devil has been trying to expunge every image that represents a loving faithful fathers from our culture. But why is the devil so father -phobic? Because he know that if  he can continue to destroy Galilee, through broken dads, it will keep us from discovering that there is a heavenly Father who can turn the fatherless into a family of His beloved ones ” 


-Ed Tandy McGlasson 

The Father You’ve Always Wanted 
What a beautiful book.