I’m learning to appreciate people more, in words and in gestures.

Truth is, I am surrounded by people whose sorrows I can’t understand or fully comprehend.

My natural instinct is to respond and solve the problem rather than show compassion.

I am a natural born problem solver…

I’m more comfortable resolving the issue rather than providing comfort.

I’m learning to listen more and respond less.

I pray God grants me the power to truly Listen,

Be Still,

And present,

whilst someone entrusts me enough to pour out their heart.

Let them feel safe enough to drop it, like they did with their guard, knowing that’ll definitely catch it.

Also, the wisdom to understand and fully comprehend the words that they’re dying to escape gripped in the cages of their mouth.

Because a shoulder to lean is so much better than a chaotic tongue; eager to fix things, rather than hold a person who’s breaking with every breath, just praying to be held together.

[Featured Image: lenception, published 08 October 2013]

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Roses From Men Who Scarred You

It pains you…

You’re well aware that you’re digging yourself a grave just to fulfill something completely unrelated to this man, whom you share a bed.

Concealing a hurt you were once too young to fathom or understand.

Because at that point, all you knew was joy. Pain was just something you felt when you lost balance and fell off a bike and was never really an emotion.

All you could recall was feeling empty for a while staring at the world, as it spun and you finally catch your breath when it eclipsed with your smile.

Unaware that planetary shifts are no different from spiritual principalities and warfares, drastically shifting while you remained stationary, unable to detect the areas of your life that were constantly under attack!

And it took a while for you to see it… you began to see the patterns of the unapologetically toxic men, you could not help but attract, and they happened to look attractive and you happened to be attracted and ultimately attached.

Attached to a string of men, that literally led you nowhere, and No, they were NOT stringing you along, you were dead weight, to men who had witnessed you digging your own grave, in their presence, with presents that they used as tokens of apologies to just buy more time with you, until they got lucky.

And after the pain and sufferings, of you witnessing death in the eyes of the men, you once thought you loved, you sought peace.

And finally, it hits you,

You reach utopia,

A moment of solitude that leads to solace.

And you finally get it…

“You were never enough to make your father stay”

And that you never feel enough for the men you beg to stay.

There’s a connection.

The first is the root, and the latter, fruits that are bared.

It’s the same pain, except it was planted in your youth and it’s been growing and It has outgrown you.

The same branches that reach out to these men, push them away, equally as quickly… and it grows and it grows.

As you feed it apologies which are not meant to be said and lust to men who are not worthy; men who do not require refuge but seek it for the sake of curiosity; seeking asylum in sacred parts of your body.

A temple which was never meant to be toyed with to begin with, simply because you didn’t end it.

Quote

Emotion is not meant to feel like war

words deployed during the hardest of times, when butterflies and tongue ties wouldn’t allow me to let you know how I feel… they don’t even bother to last long enough to form a sentence.

Sinful White Linen

Laying in sinfully white linen,

Covering the remains of my body,

Which are drenched in sex and loneliness.

Unable to fathom the debt I paid for love,

Because no one is able to hold me once you’re gone.

Not only am I swimming in your sweat,

I’m drowning in thoughts of you,

Unable to utter another man’s name.

Unable to spit out the sins I effortlessly swallowed last night.

Unable to get you out of my head…

Because the Coffee I wanted so bad,

Landed up being the Coffin I eagerly buried myself in.

I can’t help but reminisce about how bad I longed for your kiss,

The same kiss which happened to suck out my soul, along with my logic.

I am as unfamiliar with my surroundings as I am to myself.

A constellation of regret lays swift the window seal,

As I did on the bed, waiting to be consumed by your darkness,

Because the stars and I aren’t strangers to the one thing that makes us Come alive…