Letter to 18 Year Old Me

May you never get lost seeking something you already possess in yourself.

You are phenomenal.

You are the magic.

You are blessed.

You are loved.

You don’t have to wait for permission to be your true self, because no one will give it to you. Self Discipline will get you miles further than Beauty and Brains.

The woman you desire to become won’t just spring up on you and surprise you, you have to work on her daily... you gotta let yourself breathe and relax when the world seems like it is too much, because it is gonna go on without you either way.

For the longest time I always believed that one day I’ll just wake up and be this remarkable woman… it’s been 8 years since, and that day hasn’t come because it doesn’t exist.

I began visualizing who she is, and each day, each situation I’d bring in elements of her which I admired and loved to see in myself. And this has taught me to show up as her. Most importantly, I’ve learned that it’s okay to reinvent myself as many times as possible.

You don’t owe anyone versions of yourself they don’t even know, like you do. Versions of you they may not even like, Versions of you they felt comfortable disrespecting,

Versions of you that fed their ego…

you don’t owe anyone anything. No one owes you anything. Babygirl, you gotta have your own back… first of all, it’s your back!

I’ve learned to tune people out when they put me in boxes I know I don’t tick or boxes that have old versions of me or boxes that have no business being in the same sentence as me.

I smile boldly every time someone tells me that I’ve changed, because I work too damn hard to stay the same.

I hope no one boldly talks you out of being yourself.

I hope you embrace the journey of finding yourself within.

And it only dawned on me today…

The beauty of life is the journey (it can be any journey) that leads you to different places, that allow you to search yourself and meet yourself deeply.

And I hope one day you understand this ♥️.

I will forever be grateful to The Young Legacy Empower Her Program for assigning me to my mentee, because it’s moments with her, that enable me to reach that much deeper in myself and reflect.

She had sent me a beautiful birthday message, and in the midst of me thanking her, I found myself writing a letter to 18 year old me and half way through I realized that this was probably what I needed when I was younger. There’s so much beauty in sharing your journey with young woman. I never take it for granted. There’s nothing more beautiful than wanting to see someone win so bad and be a being a part of that journey ♥️

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Quote

Emotion is not meant to feel like war

words deployed during the hardest of times, when butterflies and tongue ties wouldn’t allow me to let you know how I feel… they don’t even bother to last long enough to form a sentence.

Pursuit

Fully aware that you pursue me in only in draped skies-

Because I am born of light.

When your own darkness consumes you

And you don’t have the desire to be devoured anymore

You knock on my door

And like the fool that I am- I open

With arms wide open

And a mind filled with naive thoughts that you won’t hurt me-

Yet you leave me in your darkness like you have before

Mind helplessly swimming in confusion

Unable to derifrienciate our demons

Because yours make themselves feel so much at home

In my own

They take up all the empty spaces, that I don’t even notice you leaving

You’re foolish for leaving me with your demons Because they will always find you

And wholely consume you

I am born of light, it’s only a matter of time before they’re blinded by me.

They find comfort in your solitude

Darkness is no Stranger to you

And you will come knocking on my door

And again, I’ll let you in

But this time

Leave your shoes and demons at the door

I am tired of your sole walking all over me.

I hate that you’re the one door I am unable to close

You drain me.

02 June 2016

22:23

This Is Just a List

I) The amount of words it took for me to fall in love.

II) These are the times I gave you my heart as a second chance to make sure you break it right.

III) Three words I grew so fond of, being that I had never heard them before.

IV) This is what your aftershocks rate by on the Richter scale, still able to bring cities to ruin.

V) Five, five times I thought I was lucky enough that you’d actually call me yours and mean it.

VI) I always wished the waves would crash at our feet one night.

VII) This was the age I started dreaming of a girl like you, seven. It’s just a myth now.

VIII) Eight times, also the age that I saw your reflection in small pools of water between rocks on the beach.

IX) Nine, the age I learned I could throw my heart at someone as a grenade and leave them amputated.

X) By ten, I stopped believing in love and started believing that no matter how long you wait, nothing good ever comes.

By Jake Muir
20 June 2014
twitter – @pieniiune

♥ Kamiz

L(US)T

image

Can I kiss you,

To remind you of all the shit you deserve?      

Can our lips find each other,

Whenever we’re lost for words?

 

Can your mind seduce me onto you, 

Wthout saying a word?  

 

Does the back of your mind Memorise my moans,     

Like I memorise your every groan?

And if you kiss my neck,

I guarentee you, you will not leave this room unfucked.

But all the shit and wreckless halla’ring

Just left you out of luck,

Because in the darkness-

The truth lurks. 

Your touch takes me back to our first erection,

Now I realised it was our only connection.  

Your “I love you” just a mere representation. 

 

No strings attached were the colours of our relation.

 

Only thing deep about about it

Was penetration.

♥ Kamiz