Sleep

I love how it gives you a break from certain pain
But others still find a way to creep up in your nightmares.

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Pain demands to be felt…

There is nothing worse than being surrounded by people and still feeling extremely lonely.

Because nobody hears your demons when they slowly plow at your soul.

Everyone is caught up in their own lives, feeding the monster that have engulfed their soul.

I’ve been lingering around the city with unmet emotions for the longest time.

The nicest thing about being alone is that it’s associated with loneliness.
So it all makes sense and it’s easier to take in and understand.

So I- cut off most of my soul satisfying social media drugs.
And withdrawal immediately started kicking in.

I got to see that people don’t identify Me with silence.
And without noise, I’m unseen, unheard, Unmissed, and virtually nonexistent.

And that all they crave is my attention. Only giving, what I put forth.

It’s quite unfortunate, because right now, my life makes anything, but sense.

Unable to move forward or back.
I’m stagnant.
I’m still.

I’m sitting here with pain I never thought belong to me.
It’s starring blankly at me,
I can believe that it’s my portion.

It doesn’t move.

It doesn’t flinch.

My crying isn’t taken it away.

For the the first time, my tears are the only thing that stay.

Crutch

I loved you, when you were most broken.
Prayed every night, that you would be healed as sunrise awakens,
But every day, you would awaken,
With more and more breathes taken.

I see how pain radiates through your smile.
Knowing that your feet won’t walk a mile, without a crutch.
Eyes oblivious, to what was already seen.
Mind breaks between intervals of time  and space, while experiencing numbness.

And in between prayers of your healing and opening my eyes and seeing you,
I’d sit and think…
“Would I ever do this this for a another living being?”
I put so much time and energy just to watch you slowly wither away…

It pained me to see how you slept on promises molded in yesterday’s pain.
How touch, was the only emotion left,
The only thing you felt.

After all the support and love I selflessly handed to you
Your soul didn’t even have the decency to remain.
The same pillow you rested your legs on, now nest my tears.

Frustrated by how much I loved you, when you couldn’t even have the strength to love yourself.

The intensity of trust heightened, when I held you up, with my shoulder hosting your hand.

Realsing that you really had no where to run.
Forced to engage in more meaningful conversations that opened you up and left you vulnerable.

I valued our conversations.
They helped me understand that small talk will never be the root of deep conversations.
I now vow to never be mesmerised by talk that’s cheap.

Your love stories showed me the epitome of romance.
Through your eyes, I saw the life of a slow dance…

        In Memory of Matshidiso Mopai.
                    31 October 2004

♥ Kamiz