Secrets

The year has barely began
But I already have secrets I’m planning on keeping

Secrets about people who have never been a part of my everyday life
But have a huge part of me

The type of secrets that do not allow me to make homes of people
For my sanity and safety

The sun rises with my insecurities
And maybe that’s why I hate summer
But this summer will be different
I’ll make memories that no one knows about
Memories that solely belong to me

Because no one has ever unfolded my bare human soul and known me beneath my bones

21 has proved to me, that I deserve so much better
22 will be filled with moments like a white petalled Lotus waiting for consciousness to bloom

I’ll take these secrets 6 feet under
Because there were times when those dear to me knew how I felt
And it was hell for them

I sit here
Fully aware
That there is no way out
And that you don’t meet people by accident
And even after you cut ties with the past
(If you’re not the only person the past involves)
It will still haunt you

And once I’m done with all these secrets
I’ll learn more about silence
And write a novel about all the things people don’t say.

please note that it was my intention to exclude the necessary punctuation.

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Leaving this in the past…

I remember when you meant nothing to me.
We would talk for hours, but I was barely aware of your existence.
I will never forget how passion filled kisses changed all that.

You shifted a lot of things inside of me, but my tide remained still.
The more I repressed on the surface, the more you would sink in. 

I held back, but I slowly began feeling my heart drowning in a sea regret.

Some days I felt nothing for you, and others days, I felt you all at once.   

I’m not some emotionless bitch every one paints me to be, I actually long for affection.

And throughout all that time,  I suffered in silence, because I’ve always seen pain is weakness.