Pursuit

Fully aware that you pursue me in only in draped skies-

Because I am born of light.

When your own darkness consumes you

And you don’t have the desire to be devoured anymore

You knock on my door

And like the fool that I am- I open

With arms wide open

And a mind filled with naive thoughts that you won’t hurt me-

Yet you leave me in your darkness like you have before

Mind helplessly swimming in confusion

Unable to derifrienciate our demons

Because yours make themselves feel so much at home

In my own

They take up all the empty spaces, that I don’t even notice you leaving

You’re foolish for leaving me with your demons Because they will always find you

And wholely consume you

I am born of light, it’s only a matter of time before they’re blinded by me.

They find comfort in your solitude

Darkness is no Stranger to you

And you will come knocking on my door

And again, I’ll let you in

But this time

Leave your shoes and demons at the door

I am tired of your sole walking all over me.

I hate that you’re the one door I am unable to close

You drain me.

02 June 2016

22:23

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Do you put a time limit on sex?

Just based off meeting a guy for the first time, there is a physical attraction that is sparked. That happens way before you know his name, find out his age, and get a sneak peek of his personality. Your eyes focus on what you see in this man: the tattoos drawn on his arms, the type of clothing he has on, and his interaction with his friends. And if you decide to approach him that night or make conversation as he makes his way over to you, it will solely be based on the power of physical attraction. Hopefully, months down the line a relationship can be created way beyond the physical connection. Things become way more serious, future plans are discussed, make out sessions become longer and more revealing. As a woman, you tease your mate, just enough to keep him wondering. But you know sooner or later, sex is going to become apart of your relationship. The question is, “When is the right time to have sex?”

A woman always tries to set a time limit when it comes to sex. It is no longer a private and intimate interaction. It’s more of an open book or public conversation. It is talked about freely, shared on television shows, and not really taken as a big deal.

We overanalyze how a guy will react, the day that we decide to give him a part of ourselves. Holding off can show him how much you respect your body and the relationship. A man does not want to be with a woman that “every other” man has had a piece of. But being realistic, in the year of 2014, who waits anymore? And if you do decide to wait, are you frowned upon?

Does the guy still think of that interaction as a special moment shared between each other? Has it become so easy for a guy to nut, pull up his pants, and walk out the door? Or has woman made it easier for a man to get whatever he wants? Has woman shoved her emotions unto a man hoping that he’ll be the one to save her, once she sleeps with him? And are there guys out there that still wait until wedding night, to enter into a woman?

Those questions are only a few, where I actually become clueless. Each gender has such a different perspective on sex that it makes it seem like it would be impossible to agree on.

Anyway, back to some key points.

By holding out on sex, you get to have a stronger connection through everything that happens in the relationship. It is possible to have a successful relationship without a sexual interaction, but you’ll still think about it from time to time. I do believe that it can show a guy how much you respect your body by not giving in so fast, and it creates a sense of mystery about the woman. Because he does not actually know how it is to be with you sexually, he’s going to desire it a little bit more. But holding out can also make you think if he’s not getting it from you, that your connection isn’t strong enough and he may stray elsewhere.

When I brought this up to a few girlfriends, I got an overall amount of mixed emotions. Not that it is hard to actually put a time limit, but when you are so attracted to someone, you want to show them. Most of my girlfriends are ready to be married, so waiting as long as they can for the “right” one is more rewarding. But I know girlfriends that have had sex on the first date, and still have a successful relationship with their men.

So that makes me wonder, does a time limit really matter when referring to sex? Are there a different set of rules for each guy you mess with? Or should the same rules apply to any type of guy?

Devika

Originally posted on From A Wildflower

Dear Destroyer

You took a huge part of me & ran away,
When were you planning on telling me?

In your head, I was just a phase.
You should have fucking told me.
 
The only reason I don’t let people in,
Is because I hate how they always up and leave.
No goodbyes,
Just up and out as they please.

I was honestly on the verge of blaming myself, thinking my emotional flaws pushed you away.

I thought maybe those couple of days weren’t my “Fully Me” days.

But is wasn’t me, was it?
It was you who pushed yourself away.

Unfortunately I’m not the type that forces people to stay.

You got me so close to letting my walls fall down, so many times I felt them shake.

Labelled you “too good to be true”, now I can see your Knight and Shining amour Silhouette was fake.

Okay, no I’m lying…

But I can’t believe that you used the oldest trick in the book as your bloody bait.  

Better yet, I can’t believe I fell for it.

It was a matter of time before your dirty colours escaped.
I’m glad I didn’t witness the kaleidoscope of your chaos.

I guess it’s not much irony that the climax of our in betweens was the actual climax between the sheets.

Or I guess it was dramatic irony, because as your actress to a play I didn’t even audition for, I was never clued that my character was foolish and lacked self-awareness.

I would have never taken the role if you didn’t present it and under false pretence.

But honestly, I wouldn’t have let you hit it when you did.

I can’t help but let the little laughs escape my breath when I realise that you’re mature act was just part of your masquerade.

Never in a million years would I ( under normal circumstances) thought I’d ever be at the receiving end of your childish outburst.     
    
Ohh, and that thing you took from me? You’re welcome to keep it, in fact, keep this little poem as your damn receipt. No returns though. I want you to keep it.

P.S
If you wanted me to write warmly about you, you should have acted better.

Forever 21

I recently asked if I was somewhat weird or awkward for being 21 and still ( forever single), and I got the most surprising response which actually warmed my heart. I’d like to share it:

” Nothing wrong with you. 

If anything you are being more careful than most who would rush into a relationship. 

I have some words for you, if you will listen. 

Always, always, always listen to your gut. Even above your heart. If you wait, and are wise, there will come into your life a person who activates your heart AND your gut instincts. This is the person you will pursue, and hopefully marry. He will make you happier than you can imagine. 

Never, ever, ever have sex before marriage. Sex will destroy what foundation you have with him, and gives him your commitment without requiring his. There is nowhere left for him to go with you after sex, which is why you find so many confused women on this very site, wondering why a man has ceased all contact after they have sex with him. 

Be wise, be patient, and above all, work on yourself. Work on your heart. 

Learn to be vulnerable. Learn to be feminine-and LOVE being it. There is little more a delight to a man than a woman who loves being a woman, and loves being HIS woman. You would be a blessing that cannot be bought with money, gold, or diamonds, and would be worth far more than all of those things”

Thethundrawolf.

Leaving this in the past…

I remember when you meant nothing to me.
We would talk for hours, but I was barely aware of your existence.
I will never forget how passion filled kisses changed all that.

You shifted a lot of things inside of me, but my tide remained still.
The more I repressed on the surface, the more you would sink in. 

I held back, but I slowly began feeling my heart drowning in a sea regret.

Some days I felt nothing for you, and others days, I felt you all at once.   

I’m not some emotionless bitch every one paints me to be, I actually long for affection.

And throughout all that time,  I suffered in silence, because I’ve always seen pain is weakness.

No Good Comes From Loving A Person Who Doesn’t Love You Back…

He has a constellation of freckles on his face and you’re busying trying to figure out how your name comes into it.

The words he utters puts you out of place, yet you still try to fit yourself in all the spaces he has created.

In the mist of everything. You try teach him how to love you, because you have loved all his imperfections, he was almost nothing without you.

Now you are the one out of place,  searching for affection in a shallow space.

You patiently wait for him to break out in a poem and utter sentimental words that make you feel at home.

Because you gave him bits of you, that he didn’t even deserve, now you consume scraps of love that you wouldn’t ( on a normal basis) even accept as a reseve.

You hug him like his hugs will protect you from him. But all it really does is break you. Because, you’re not from a broken home. So there is no way his hugs will fix your childhood.

You are just a fixer, loving everything that is broken. Like pebbles and stones, you collect broken people like tokens.

Their flaws, are the things that you desire. The same things that destroy you.

You tell him you love him, and all those words do, is bounce back, and cut your heart much deeper.

And you begin to believe that he reveals his love like he does his flaws, in secret and the dark, right between the sheets where he is most vulnerable. 

So when will it stop?
When you’re too broken that you no longer love yourself?
Or when loves someone else, who evidently doesn’t love him as much as you love him?
Or perhaps when he chases the 100th skirt and actually doesn’t come back?

See, no good comes from loving a person who doesn’t love you back…

♥ Kamiz