A Mile; In Suicidal Shoes

you’re not a bad person for the way you kill your sadness…

Each pill dissolving on your tongue, the way you wished your pain would.

But pain is not like people,
you can’t just talk it away,

And people aren’t simple,
you cannot force them to stay.

99 pills at once,

Like problems shoved down your throat.

Difficult to swallow.

Difficult to breathe.

life isn’t easy.

Death is a breeze.

your living pain is unbearable,
And you can’t wait to leave.

Coping, are your eyes,
Struggling to stay awake.

Starved is your heart,
Unable to eat joy.

Confused is your mind,
How could misery be so happy, when it always has you in mind.

No suicide note.

No one deserves to know how frozen their coldness left you.

How their ghostly words
that escaped their tongue
now haunt you-
Like you will now haunt them.

You’ve managed to stop the world from spinning.

Slowly floating away.

Never felt anything so great.

Embracing you body for the fight, maybe now, it too, will understand the scars you placed above every vain.

It too, will fully feel the pain you’ve been exposed to.

You hoping nothing goes wrong, because it’s way too right.

So light as a feather,
is this moment.
Unable to feel the ground.

You feel rest,
Drowning in peace.

As your troubled soul escapes from you

Happy,

That no one is nearby to save you.

Happiness like this doesn’t last
It turns into pain of the past.

you clinch every single part of you.

Then finally

With your last breath

YOU.ARE.FREE

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Dinner With My Pretty Friend

image

She puts her heart on the table
And bares it all.
The good,
The bad,
And the painfully ugly.
She doesn’t hold a single thing back,
And honestly,
I wish she did.  
She almost makes me feel happy that I’m just ordinary and
Forever overlooked.
Behind the layer of her beautiful porcelain skin,
Lays a thousand insecurities crinkled on her so called flaws.
She stretches her barely responsive skin,
In attempt to display how “fat” she is.
She tells me that lately,
She has been relying on her tears for hydration.
She shared beauty tips which I found least expected.
I never would have guessed that shedding tears twice a day eventually keeps the sclera white as snow.
Or how a back hand from someone you love,
Plumps up the lips.

I’m finally seeing that beauty is not only about the ascetics,
But rather the pain that goes into it when nobody is watching.

I realise that I bit off a lot more than I could chew.
I sort of wanna cry now…
If I could just hold back the the waterfall for a little while longer.
In hopes of distracting myself,
My eyes begin to wonder,
Before the thought could even process,
I blurt out

“what’s that on your wrist”,

“oh nothing, just some feelings that wanted to escape my heart”

I hold her hand and gently whisper

“it doesn’t have to be abuse to feel like one”.

She speedily says

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry, he doesn’t beat me up”

I am intrigued by the way his presence flows through her insecurities.

I now see how pretend become her desperate emotion.

I can safely say,
Love,
When not done correctly,
Can easily flip from roses to thorns.

My curious mind refusing to stop,
I ask if the rose red colour down her neck were from “hickies”,

(I knew very well that they were from beatings)

Him throttling her like she’s some sort of Ducati in his extreme sport fantasy is way out of hand.

I can see how uncomfortable she’s getting,
she shakes her head and
Pulls her scarf higher.
She begins to cry

“don’t make me feel like my heart is falling out of my chest”

I was speechless.

For the first time,
I saw beyond her beauty,
I was exposed to more than just some skin and bones.

I could hear what her eyes were saying

“my body has kept me captive like a prisoner for many years”.

Words have never been my strongest point.
I just held her tightly, because that was all I could offer.

It’s just crazy how people would kill to be pretty, while she’d rather die than be beautiful.

We both barely touched our food,
I don’t even remember taking note of the waiter, yet alone making an order.
The bill lands on that table, “50/50?” I ask, and she simply replies “No, don’t worry about, I’ll use his card, it’s the least he could do for giving me all of these scars.”

♥ Kamiz