Troubled boy…


So it seems

Nobody wants a troubled boy,
I learned to leave alone the troubled boy.

I spent the longest time trying to figure him out,

Even wrote a poem, in hopes of decoding his life.

I get that he was a troubled boy with a heart that needed healing,
He thought he get rid of it through sexual healing
Almost like it’s heaven sent,
Then sent back to hell again.
His demons won’t stop screaming,
His angels don’t whisper loud enough, &
His silence doesn’t offer healing.

You need to realise that I never promised him I’d stay, I recall saying that I would to be patient.

I’m pretty sure you realise that I don’t chase… but with him I was pacing.

With hearts that are hidden behind blinds, maybe we just need to accept that, I am not his and he is not mine.
I’m pretty sure he was about to teach me how to fall in love without using a rule book or focusing on time.

But in essence, he taught me how letting go is a process that may not always take time… 

I showed him a fraction of himself through my eyes, and he helplessly showed me a reflection of a fragile broken boy, who shows the world a completely different side.

Yet somehow I still saw the best in him, patiently waited for his best to show through, but learned that some miracles never come true.

I’ll just pray for 21 days of strength to kick out bad habits. Change my patterns and ways to erase you out of my memories and subconscious. 

I just want to pick up my phone and not think of you. Go passed your name and not have the urge to call you.
I want to be able to see anything remotely related to you and not be moved.

I hope one day your heart is capable of loving someone back with every bit of good it has buried deep within it.

I’ll eventually deal with the wasted time.
I’ll finally accept the fact that you were never mine.
I’ll admit. I was too foolish to see the  signs and
Too blind to read between the lines…

♥ Kamiz